WAL-MART APPLICATION

(I considered ommitting portions that may be offensive, but this old fella has learned to not take himself too seriously. Maybe we could learn a lesson. Enjoy!)

This is an actual job application that a 75 year
old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas.

They hired him because he was so funny.........you
gotta love it!!!

NAME: George Martin

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right
woman (or at least one that will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice
President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in
a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock
options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's
not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and
post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday,
Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but
they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD
PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be
"Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be
a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no!
On my breaks - yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE
YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy
blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest
thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE
TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.

***Old People Rock!