2/19/09
Still in the Midst
I keep putting off blogging. I love to write and would love to have a unique niche that blesses somebody but our lives have been so consumed with "what to do with our rebel" that I constantly put off posting until "things get better." I want to be able to exude humor and encouragement and hope but that’s so hard when you’re "in the midst" and the "midst" has lasted eight, long, non-stop years. I’ve often contemplated deleting the posts about our rebel child and perhaps will someday. I don’t want to alienate her further, on the one hand, one the other, I don’t think that’s possible. If I can help any parent prevent their child from becoming rebellious, it will have been worth the time taken to jot down my thoughts.

Some out there have given suggestions as to the source of the problem and we have investigated everything. After Fitzilla spent EIGHT weeks living in another family’s home where the parents are being trained in counseling, they observed no indication of bi-polar or any other abnormality, just a young lady who somewhere along the line started believing satan’s claims to truth. She quite often loses touch with reality and her twisted perspective on events as they occur. Some would try to diagnose that as something or other but we, believing Scripture is all-sufficient, see her believing her lies to be truth as she sees fit and the Bible calls her a fool. I am the mother of a foolish daughter. That grief is about as unbearable as losing a child. I hope I never experience that grief but knowing that if my daughter were to die in her rebellion, she might be lost forever, I don’t know how, without God, I could endure that.

So, my DH and I have been talking to a nouthetic counselor for several months and have learned quite a bit about what we’re dealing with here. Fitzilla is living out what is called a "wrathful lifestyle." Because of years of not being on the same page with training and discipline with her, she’s had her own set of rules from early on (we do not have any problems with any of our 10 other children...knock on Formica). When a child sins, they know and when they don’t experience consequences for that sin, they carry the burden of guilt. If this goes on for years, the frustration of that guilt leads to the wrathful lifestyle. The anger that mounts up give the devil a foothold as God’s Word warns us and, voila, instant rebel. As parents, we made mistakes early on with her but are on the same page and striving to be obedient is what God wants us to do now. It may be too late (for now) and our young adult child may have to make a lot of stupid mistakes before she comes back to what we have taught her. Until that time, it will hurt to watch, we will pray non-stop, and we will train our other children in the love and admonition of the Lord. We also have a burden for other parents to not make the same mistakes. Smokey Bears tells us "Only you can prevent forest fires." I’m here to tell you that only you, not the youth group leader, not their friends, not anybody else can prevent rebel fires. Yes, all kids are wired different and some have a predisposition toward defiant tendencies. I don’t believe God gives us children then says "good luck with that one." All children’s hearts are pliable, don’t believe psychobabble. God’s Word is all-sufficient.