PREOCCUPIED

So I’ve been preoccupied. I have a lot I could blog about but I’ve put it off, as I’ve mentioned many times before, waiting until I get the nerve to be honest. "Honest about what?" you wonder. Well…honest about the fact that I cannot offer a blog about how to be the amazing Christian homeschooling mom of many who has it all together and can show you how, too. Honest about the fact that I cannot inspire you to live a perfect life by my perfect example. Honest about how homeschooling will not prevent you from having rebellion in your home.
So, I’ve decided to offer a portion of what has had me preoccupied and not at my "blog post." Some time ago, I posted about "Fitzilla," http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Zookeeperof10/321887/ my second oldest. We’ve decided that, besides a spiritual imbalance, there must be a chemical imbalance. I don’t know if one causes the other, if they’re both one and the same, but I know this child, this young woman, needs help. Dweller-of-the-Crag (that’s what Craig means and we like the idea that his name means "lives in the Rock") and I have held on to our faith and trust that God made us her parents and we are, somehow, equipped to help her. Well, we try to hold onto that. But we sure do feel inadequate.
Anyhoo, I’m considering starting another blog dedicated to just this subject so other moms-of-rebels can come together and figure this thing out. Does anybody know of any other blog like that? I’ve found the funny ones, the inspirational ones, the here’s-how-to-homeschool-the-right-way blogs (gag me), the "here’s what I fixed for dinner and can you believe American Idol last night?!" blogs (puleez), and others with various struggles yet have courage to inspire you i.e. the gals with cancer, children who have died or are handicapped, etc. But is there anyone else struggling to do the right thing for their troubled youth while holding together their precious family?? And have time for them, and do laundry, and feed them, and plan birthday parties, and sleep????
Well, up until 8pm last night, Fitzilla was planning on leaving home. Grandpa was already on his way to pick her up and give us some time so we could have break and figure things out. She was bound and determined to move in with some friends but, out of the blue, asked if it was too late to change her mind. She wanted to stay. I was confused before but now…I’m pretty loopy.
Well, let me know if you know of anybody else dealing with this. This is so draining. I have cried more in the last 2 weeks than I did when my brother died. The heartbreak is, well, must be what God feels when we turn against Him. Father God, forgive me when I have rebelled against You! I’m sorry I made you feel this way. In Christ, Amen.